Like many of you, I have spent most of my life at war with my body. I didn’t like it. It seemed to make me a target as a child: for teasing, for abuse, for criticism from “well meaning” adults and from myself. I remember being 8 years old, sitting next to my mother in our Oldsmobile, and showing her how I wanted to cut off the fat from my belly. I can clearly see myself gathering the extra layer of skin with my fingers, holding it tightly and wishing I could just take a pair of scissors and cut it. I think my mother said something like, “wouldn’t that be nice”….This war escalated during adolescence, when I tried starving myself, which lead to binge eating, and to extreme disgust with this out of control thing that seemed to determine my ability to be loved and accepted by others. In adulthood, my body has served me by giving birth to two healthy children and by remaining healthy and able to perform all that I ask of it. Still, I have continued to exercise, diet, and push my body in an effort to look and feel lovable….
Some part of me, living down in the first or second chakra, knows that I am ready to really, truly, learn to live in my precious body: The place where all of my memories are stored as energy. The place where my vitality lives. I couldn’t write, think, move, or breathe without this amazingly efficient place that my soul calls home on Earth.
My body deserves love from me. I know this. My body needs to be accepted, felt, seen, and even celebrated. My body has been through hell, and she has survived and served me for over 50 years. It is time for me to take the journey inward, into her. How can I do this?? This blog is the beginning step of my quest. I intend to experiment with ways to create a comfortable home within that I will not feel like leaving. A home within that soothes and renews my entire being. My body, my home, my friend: I pledge to take a step toward you each day. I will share my creative experiments on this blog…and I invite anyone who would like to join me, to feel free to try these ideas along with me. Let’s see if we can find our way together. This could be fun!